Snore
by Kit Kat Karma
Summary: She had dirt on everybody but him...but she never would have guessed this.


Snore

_She never would have thought of it. _

_A Trade with Faye-Zepher_

Of all her years of snooping and digging Yuffie Kisaragi had dirt on almost everybody.

Cloud: Really spiked his hair. It was naturally straight, and Zack and Sephiroth had gotten him into the habit.

Tifa: She never really wanted to run a bar; she wanted to run a restaurant. And she wanted to marry Cloud.

Barret: The man was deathly allergic to peanuts. He had choked once or twice when he had smelt peanuts but told people it was smoke in the air from Cid. Everybody believed him.

Cid: He had a soft spot for children of all ages; it was because he and Shera were probably trying to have one of their own. He was quitting smoking.

Nanaki: Had his mate and she was in Cosmo Canyon and was expecting three pups. He also enjoyed Chocolate, and stole some of the Halloween candy from Marlene and Denzel.

Reeve: Reeve was secretly married to Shalua Rui for two years and he had a daughter by the name of Elda Ruvie Tuesti and was almost two and a half, putting her birth before her parents got married.

Shelke: Shelke had had a flaw. Though she knew her basics, she was not schooled like the others and believed that she would have to go back to school. Though she had made Yuffie promise that she would never send her to school.

The one person she did not have dirt on was the man that was currently watching Denzel, Marlene, Shelke, and Elda with her. Tifa thought it was a bit much to leave four children in the care of the rambunctious ninja and called up the man to keep her and the children sane. He accepted without much enthusiasm, but Vincent excelled in Stoicism.

Yuffie watched as Elda pulled on Marlene's hair. She let out a large scream in pain and Yuffie leaned over and took the two and a half year old.

"Elda…" She warned while rocking the two year and a half year old to sleep. Elda closed her blue eyes and yawned. Yuffie smiled, she was Elda's godmother and was proud to be it. She helped Marlene up. "Elda didn't mean it…"

Marlene looked at her white shoes. "Yeah I know. She's small and can't help it. Tifa tells me that all the time Aunt Yuffie." She sighed and picked up her stuffed moogle and smiled, "I don't mind Elda; I just wish she'd learn." Yuffie smiled shifted Elda's weight onto her shoulder.

"Vincent has probably finished setting up the DVD player. You, Shelke, and Denzel can watch your movie. Miss Elda here has to go to bed." Marlene did a weird fist pumping thing and smiled. Yuffie smiled and nodded happily. She couldn't be loud or she'd wake Elda again (That's why Elda and Marlene were playing; Denzel had woken her up before). Marlene ran into the living room and jumped onto the couch and Yuffie smiled, she remembered herself doing that when AVALANCHE had a movie night. Yuffie walked after Marlene and walked through the living room. She looked at the man who was leaned over the TV and had cables spread out all over the floor. He looked back and nodded to her.

"Taking Elda to bed?" He asked stoically.

Yuffie nodded, "Yeah." She walked past him and walked towards the stairs. She looked back once more. She swore she would get some dirt on Vincent Valentine, lest her name not be Yuffie Kisaragi! Elda began to cry. Had Yuffie said that out loud?

"Yes. You did." Vincent called from the other side of the room. Yuffie swore. Shelke, Denzel, and Marlene laughed until Denzel fell off the couch from laughing so hard. Then the girls began to burst into a fit of giggles of their own. Yuffie trudged up the stairs and walked down the hallway; she pushed open the bedroom door and placed Elda in her crib. She looked up at her with big blue eyes. Yuffie sighed and grabbed a stuffed animal and put it beside her. She grabbed it and hugged it immediately. Yuffie began to sing softly in Wutainese and Elda's eyes drooped, giving Yuffie the all clear to hightail it out of the room.

Yuffie walked down the stairs to see Denzel, Marlene, and Shelke on the floor and Vincent occupying the couch with the remote in his hand. Yuffie walked over and plopped down on the couch and stated, "Vince! If I didn't know any better I'd say you are domesticated." He shot a glare to her and she smiled before taking the remote.

"Just because we went out to dinner once does not make me _domesticated_." Yuffie let out a very unladylike snort and pressed play.

"What are we watching?" She said before curling up on her side of the couch. Vincent looked at her and raised an eye brow, "I'm cold buster!" He sighed and turned back to the plasma television (Cloud had bought it when the Edge Patriots made it to Super Bowl Eleven, then they lost and Tifa was pissed).

Shelke did not divert her eyes from the television and spoke softly, "We are watching The Little Mermaid…I believe the tale comes from your home country." Yuffie looked at the back of her head and sighed.

"Well this should be a great movie," She said with a hint of sarcasm. "Vince, I hope you're up for several musical numbers." He looked at her and sighed. She laughed; this was going to be fun.

When the first musical number clicked on, Vincent was shocked and appalled that they called this a classic children's movie. "What's the matter with it Uncle Vinnie?" Marlene cried, she had recently lost her front two teeth and could no longer say Vincent, so she reverted to, Vinnie.

"It is singing fish?" He said calmly, "Isn't that a bit farfetched?"

Yuffie laughed cynically as Denzel spoke, "That's the point Mister Valentine." He said bluntly as the crab began to sing and play the drums on the shell. Shelke and Marlene leaned back on one of the body pillows on the floor and were beginning to fall asleep. Vincent rolled his eyes.

"Oh stuff it Vincent, you know singing crabs are cool," She smiled and leaned over to his side of the leather couch and placed her head in his lap. Vincent looked down, but made no effort to move the woman in his lap.

"Yuffie." He warned and she scooted off his lap, but sat by his side as the song droned on.

Several other musical numbers later, the credits had begun to roll and Yuffie got up quietly, Vincent was now sleeping. A light snore and her head snapped back at attention. She wanted to squeal in delight, but quickly slapped a hand over her mouth. She never would have thought of it. The one of the greatest men (and hottest according to Gaian Weekly, followed shortly by Cloud and then Reeve) in all of Gaia, snored. She grinned this was her dirt, not only had she gotten Vincent the Great to watch The Little Mermaid, she learned that he snored.

She got up slowly (Ninja skills, her brain cried) and walked over to the sleeping children. Denzel and Marlene were what was considered cuddling and Shelke was sleeping on her back with her hands folded. She took a giant fleece blanket from the couch and laid it over top of them. She smiled and looked back at the snoring gunslinger. She smiled and walked over to him. She sat on his lap and his head snapped up and he shook his head.

"Yu…ffie?" She grabbed his hand (and claw) and laced her fingers through them.

She smiled, "For someone who has had so much work done on them, you still snore." She smirked, "I've got my dirt on you…"

He blinked, "So what now…?" He asked still half asleep. She thought for a moment and smiled before kissing him on the cheek.

"Well, first off with the shirt." She smiled, "Or…I feed gossip to Gaian Weekly." Vincent smirked inwardly; their agreement would indeed be an interesting one. He shed the cloak and the shirt and sighed.

However they didn't expect Tifa and Cloud to walk in…while they were in this position.

A/N: This goes to the lovely Faye who wrote the wonderful story "In The Coffin" as a trade for me. This was not the original ending…however I like this one more Smirk. The ending is especially for her and all you fangirls out there. I contemplated naked…but…then…it would be even more…strange…

I do not own Vincent or the FFVII universe. If I did…I'd let Faye have half, and then they'd be doomed.

Read? Review!

-Sera


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